Blogs and Prayers

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  Hey there, and welcome to this new corner of my webpage.....For my first installment, I'm thinking about a parable God gave me a few years ago.  I named it "The Kamikaze Pilot".  God showed me an insight of many Christians'.  Their life of what is commonly known as a "self-righteous " or "pious " Christian.  Unfortunately,  so many Christians  go through  this exact thing, and they end up falling  away from God's blessing and forgiveness.   As you read this parable please read with all this knowledge, and please let me know what you think.  

The Parable of the  Kamikaze Christian

                                                         by Rodney D Roby  

     During World War II there was a kamikaze pilot from the Japanese Imperial Army.  He was a  loyal and devoted servant to the Emperor.  He was highly decorated and very devout.  This man had pledged his whole existence to the Emperor of Japan with his very life.  

     At that time the Emperor was God to the loyal Japanese people.  His word was absolute.  To  disrespect the Emperor in any way was death of not only yourself, but your whole family line.  

     In a heated battle in the South Pacific this kamikaze pilot was shot down.  Despite all his efforts  he was not able to crash his airplane into an American warship but went down in open water.  

    When he awoke he found himself on a beach of an unpopulated island.  He had been saved by  the tide.  He was scraped up, burned and bruised, but not broken. 

      As a true soldier he quickly became busy setting up for battle.  There was no one to be found on  this small island in the middle of this big, big ocean.  This loyalist prayed and meditated every day; that  he might be true to the Emperor.  Building booby traps all over the island and hunted wild boar.  He  even killed a lot of snakes.

     So he settled down into a cave, and made a home for himself.  He still prayed and meditated  every day and kept busy with whatever came along for him to do.  Still there was no one around, he  was completely isolated.  

     Soon his prayers and his meditation focused on his own needs and his desires.  On himself, not  on the wishes and desires of the Emperor.   

     For 30 years he was alone with no one to commune with.  There were times someone would  venture onto his island, maybe even get a little close.  But, you see, by now after all this time he felt  like he was a disgrace to the Emperor.  After all, he had pledged to die for him.  He had failed him.   Fighting many battles to the ultimate sacrifice, but failed to give his life to the Emperor.  He had lived  all this time, hidden and not in service.   

     The war was over, and the Emperor was gone, but his fear of ultimate humiliation was  overwhelming.  Loving people came to rescue him.  They could not convince him that he was saved.  

     He was a proud man.  After all, he was of the Emperor’s Imperial Army!  But fear of the  humiliation; and how could a dictorial Emperor ever forgive him?  What about his family? What would  happen?  

     The defeated soldier ran back into the jungle and fell into a trap that he himself had devised.  It  was a very long, painful and slow death. He refused all help.  After all, he was a kamikaze! 

I often feel like it was me that wrote Psalm 71. It follows my cry throughout my entire life. God is my very substance. I have cried out to Him since I was in the womb. My existence is entirely for God's existence. He, my Lord, is very much alive and He alone hears my cries. 

“O Lord, you alone are my hope. I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood. Yes, you have been with me from birth; from my mother’s womb you have cared for me. No wonder I am always praising you!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭71‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 Oh my Lord and my God!! You oh Lord are so Perfect...You are my Hope and you are my Sin Offering.

You have saved me and gave me life...you called me from my mother's womb and had me held and prayed over constantly  for the first week of my life..... you saved me and held my life to be lived as satin tried to kill me four times while I was still in the womb.  You chose plans and a name with your name on my forehead and Your Spirit in my heart.  

Throughout my life you let me live and dabble in many things.  

You filled me with a huge gigantic desire for love.  I sought after love in so many places on my own but you always lead me back to you, my First Love.  

You filled my heart and soul with your presence and Love...you fill me with Hope and encouraged me with your life... you brought to me the love of the most wonderfully perfect women that could have ever walked the earth..... she radiated with your Holy Spirit  and glowed with your presence.   

You filled my heart with the love of a soul mate I had longed for my whole entire life.   

She encourages me with no words to be my best; for her yes.... but also for You, my First Love.  

You oh my God And Savior saved me from a horrible and awful life I was driving myself Into. 

You've filled my life with Your love and Your very precious and Holy presence. 

As I reflect this Christmas on you and all the multitude of gifts You have given me.... I know that the Greatest of them all is your forgiveness and your fulfillment of salvation and knowledge that I have a life everlasting with You my redeemer! I thank you so much for all you have done for me......You Lord Jesus  are the giver of my life.  I understand and know that my very existence  is really only for your existence.  You my Lord are my reason for life and living.  I love you so much I do not have the right or correct words to even say, except I love you because You first loved me. It most certainly is in Your Name Lord Jesus that I pray this...... Amen

Good evening, Lord Jesus,

I want to thank you for the year I just lived...thank you for my being healthy and well.  My mind has been great.  You have helped me to keep control of that terrible anxiety the whole year. I have enjoyed joy.  You gave me joy as a gift from your Holy Spirit.  I have enjoyed joy even with my momma going on to be with you.  It was actually comforting having your spirit reassuring me of that fact.  You are so wonderful, sure, and true.  There is no one as faithful as You. Holiness and honor radiates from you.  Be ever with me throughout this next year as my Lord, God, and Savior.  Hold on to me in your Holiness.  Give me the financial wisdom that only you can give.  Help me to be the care and comforting husband my wonderful wife needs.  Lead me to lead her with wisdom and fill me with love that we both enjoy because you are the head of our home.  Give us many days of hugging and kissing.  Fill our home with your presence and radiance.  I pray that we know and feel your presence every day of 2026.  Hug us every night as we go to sleep and remind us both every morning of You and Your love.  May there never be a day that I don't stay in constant communication with you.  Please keep Your promise to never leave me nor forsake me.  Give me the fulfillment of always knowing and ever comforting by your spirit, May I always seek Your advice on all things and to always give everything to you, whether it be good or bad.  I pray that I'm always truthful and honest with you.  You do already know all things, so may I never try to hold back or hide anything from you.  Oh Lord, help me to take you in front of me as my leader everywhere I go,  May I always be your ambassador with humbleness and meekness.  Lord Jesus, I pray all this and much much more.  

In your precious and wonderful name.  I love you, Amen

     Today is Sunday, January 15th, 2026.  I'm struggling pretty hard with horror and fret.  It's all about my being put in the mental hospital nearly three years ago.  I am horrified over the memories of being put in there. I had told all the doctors of my fears and begged them to just give me medicine that will work and let me stay home in comfort and peace. All the different doctors I had conspired together against me and did everything I had told them all my fears. In this hospital they had all kinds of food, plenty of snacks for enjoyment any time you wanted some.  But there was nothing a diabetic person could eat.  The doctors kept my sugar levels up in the 300 and above range (which is an unhealthy level) and would only give me 2 or 3 units of insulin.  I suffered greatly over these HIGH blood sugar levels, but they did not care! Then at my first appearance in front of a "judge" (and also at my 10-day appearance) the doctor told the judge that I was not good for my wife, and he was going to send me far away to some unknown place. What???!!!!  A self-appointed doctor was going to take away my wife and my house! I asked several friends and family to get me an attorney or someone to be my advocate.  No one would help me.  In fact, my "friends" were telling my wife to leave me.  I never was given attorney.  The hospital had an attorney they "said" was my attorney, but I was only given five minutes with him.  He did not even try to help me... he made it very clear he didn't care... A lady came and told me that she would be my advocate... She was working for and paid for by the hospital. Not my helper but the doctor's helper.  She proved she had no care.  I was under constant " electronic surveillance " and I could hear the aids and monitors and the nurses talking about me and what I was doing.  I was stuck there with no hope in hell.  I thought without a doubt that God had forsaken me and abandoned me.  I prayed so hard constantly, but God allowed them to mentally torture me.  There was no help, and no hope. GOD truly did abandon me in a manmade hell.  Finally, God gave me a different doctor, and he let me go home.  I pray even today, just as I had before that God never let them kidnap me again!  I actually have a plan to make sure I'm dead before they ever take me to that hell again.  In fact, "hell" is much better than being abandoned by the Living God I love so much again. GOD promised in scripture that he would never leave me nor forsake me.  I truthfully feel that God did both... I was forsaken and abandoned.   Does God lie? Or am I just really messed up?  Surely God does not lie!  My wife stayed with me... I don't hear much from my "friends". I quite often get horrified over all this.... It's hell that I suffer very often.  I do plan to die before they ever kidnap me again.  I've learned you can't trust any doctors from one room to the next.  

     So I say as little as I can get away with...Pray a lot...love God with all my heart, soul, and mind.  Beg the Holy Spirit to never abandon me again.  I strive to get all our finances in good shape so my wife will always be taken care of... my plan is to avoid all doctors as best I can.  They all conspire together...You cannot trust any of them...All I needed for the four plus years of constantly getting worse was good medicine and the peace of my home. All any doctor cared about was the dollars they could get by incarcerating me in their overpriced abyss.  

     I just want peace of mind...and to be loved by God and my wife.  My poor wife.... with all i put her through.... and at the same time as her frantic fear, our friends tried to get my wife to leave me.... and the doctor tried to get my wife to leave me and he wanted to take away my home.... he was going to make me disappear!   No one would get me help...you know I was in that hospital quite some time and I was never offered an attorney or help!  God hurt me very bad! But I know I have hurt God very bad.  He says He has forgiven me.  You know satan plays havoc with my mind a lot.   He toys with me in bad ways.    That old serpent embarrasses me before God a lot..... Im embarrassed by all I have said here now.  I had to get all this out of me...... im a terribly sinful man because that old devil plagues my mind.  God and satan are constantly battling in my mind.  That evil one puts me through hell with so much torment in my mind. I try fighting him, but it takes Jesus to fight him.  Only God can detour him.  The scripture says to pray nonstop.  That's me... I pray almost every minute of every day.  I know I have a mental illness, and my mind is tender grounds because of this illness.  So my only hope is God's Spirit.  The spiritual war that takes place in my mind is furious and almost nonstop.  God is Good. I know He loves me.... I so anxiously await Him and His return.  Jesus is my all.... and Jesus is my only hope.  After you have read all this, you will now be a witness to the war In my mind.  The thought that God abandoned me is very painful.  I only have the Holy Spirit to calm me and assure me that truthfully God never left me.  The mental torture I suffered in that hospital was just a part of the war over my mind God and that devil have constantly in my mind. God never left me.... it was Jesus that saved me from that mental hell.  If it was not for Jesus's Holy Spirit that devil would have been successful in making me disappear  

                        It is Jesus that rescued me when satin made a big play to destroy me.  GOD WON!! 

 You know.... just thinking here..... The Lord God Yeshua (Jesus) is really alive and Magnificent!  Yes Jesus is alive and Lord over all, including  me!  I am so so so greatful that God loves me and He does take care of me.  I go through so many times of dought and wondering.... depression  and terrible  thoughts..... that old devil is always trying to mess up my mind and thinking.  When he does God sends His spirit, The Holy Spirit to rescue me.  Some times it takes a while and some times He rescues me right then.  JESUS is my Rescuer, and Savior even now as I live out my life here on earth.  God wins again!!! 

      You know my mind is really messing with me.  That old devil is putting all kinds of doubt in me....... I must stop and pray....pray that im not having delusions or hallucinations.  Things are going really good with my Publisher and my agent. The Almighty God, the Giver of Dreams and hopes has really given me a whole slue of ideas and dreams of the possibilities for my book The Tall Tales Of Little Joe.   So many and so grand.  Very unbelievably wonderful and exciting.   I'm making this book into a full length  film.  All my  dreams, hopes, and ambitions are going to come true.   Also there is a chance I will get to go to New York City to work with my publishing team to make this movie.  It might even be me doing the voice for my video book! Things are looking so perfect to me that dirty Ole devil is really messing with my mind.   I am praying a lot about it  but I could  sure use everyone's prayers for me, and my ongoing projects.  Please, please?  As I explained before my mind is constantly  being messed with by the evil one.   Only  Jesus my Savior can save me and comfort me.... of course good words from my agent can help reassure  me of all these extremely wonderful plans will and are really happening.  Im so excited but so unsure of myself.  I really, really, really need all your prayers.  I do know that God will deliver my mind and as He said  He my Lord will see it all through!   My God is an Awesome  and wonderful God ! He, my Lord, lives and He knows all I am going through in my mind. My God, the Giver of Love and Hope is with me.... He Loves me.... and it is He that gave me all these hopes and dreams.  All I have envisioned for my books, poem, and game all has come to me by The Holy Spirit. And that's the Truth! 

      Tomorrow is the anniversary of my daddy's death.  To dwell on it is not good.  Instead, I chose to think about my Heavenly Father.... my real Daddy. God blessed me throughout my life with a momma that taught me of God as my God and Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  She taught me God's statutes and love.... God is Love!  Momma taught me from my beginning how to pray. Because God gave me a super great momma and daddy, my life has been prayed over and prayed for from the womb.   My God is very much alive, and He has given me salvation and the Holy Spirit of Jesus to guide me back to sanity when I need Him to save me from myself.  God's spirit is constantly having to fight and battle that serpent the devil.  A lot of warring goes on in my mind, and over my mind.   I really do wish that God would just win and end this war.... to not have to keep going thought all the battles.  But I know that to end the war would mean Im in the presence of God at His Glorious throne.  Heaven....not earth.  So I choose to stay here and love, honor, cherish my wife God gave me to love and protect and provide for.... Jesus loves me through her!  The Holy Spirit of God flows out and radiates right off and through her.  It was this same Spirit of God that attracted me to her.... She glowed like the face of Moses with the Holy Spirit  making her so beautiful!   To have the privilege to have my wife's love is to receive God's love through her.  I am in no hurry to leave her alone.  I want to take care and love her, honor her, and cherish her all the days of her life.  I pray that she and I never see death.... because we will be raptured when the Savior comes to get all those who live their life every day as if the Christ is coming today in love and fellowship with the redemption over and of God's people.  Please get ready and live ready for the Lord's return.  Start with a prayer to Jesus, then go from that point into eternity.

 Today as i pray ... i pray for and about my wife... back in 1999 and 2000 i prayed about her a lot. The love i was already gaining for her was amazingly great and the love for her grew big time with each passing day.  It came to the point that I was so overwhelmed that after another breakup with her that I believed God called me into a very strong fast.  I lay in my bed without eating or drinking from that Sunday morning until the next Friday evening.... the Holy Spirit was my only substance for all thoughts days and nights... I prayed continually nonstop except for the little sleep escapes here and there. I could literally see The Holly Spirit seeping out from her.... He was powerful and very much attracted me to Patty! I came out of the fast with a cup of chicken broth and a glass of iced tea. Then God had me back into the same fast that same Friday until the end of Sunday evening. 

God did bring Patty and I back together and she married me in the living room of our very own house on January 3 2001!!!! I'm blessed every moment of every day because The Lord God my Father gives me such wonderful love through this beautiful woman. A pillar of God's love for me. I still see God's Holy Spirit radiating from her as God did from the face of Moses.  I do believe that I am the most blessed man on earth!  God is Holy and His Righteousness covers me and my wife. I am the most blessed man on this earth! 

Thank you so much Lord Jesus!